Look Good and Let it Gooo! Part 2

Hello! Bonjour! Greetings! As I drink my morning tea, red rooibos if you’re wondering, I’m feeling so excited to post today! Are you ready for some sass?

It’s PEPLUM! So feminine and dare I say, so CUTE!

Peplum!

I’ve put together a couple of looks to inspire you to wear peplum this spring/summer. The first outfit is for the casual, laid back day when you want to look cute, but you just don’t want to wear heels. The second outfit is a two in one! You can wear this peplum top to the office with a blazer and take the blazer off to meet up with friends or your honey after work 😉 Peplum accentuates your waist and gives the illusion of that curvy figure that all of us ladies want. Do you own a peplum top, peplum dress, or peplum blazer? We’ve been talking about how to let go of grudges so that you can be happier, and I want you to look good while you heal on the inside! So get some peplum in your closet 🙂

Let’s get to the substance…

Last week we talked about holding on to grudges and I promised you that this week, we would delve a bit deeper and tackle the question of how to let go. Exactly how do we forgive and move forward? If you’re like me, you get advice all the time that you must forgive.

“Okay, I get that. But can you tell me how to do it? Right now, I’m too hurt, too broken, too angry. I don’t know if I will ever be able to get over this.”

Sound familiar? Well it does to me, because I’ve been there. I didn’t think I would be able to get over low self esteem because people said mean things about me. I didn’t think I would be able to erase the hurt of being lied to, manipulated, and rejected. But guess what? I got over those things and you can to! Now before we begin, let me reiterate that I am not a doctor, so I’m not here to diagnose you or anyone else. I’m a real woman with real stories that wants to connect with you on a level that will touch your spirit and hopefully make your life better. Sidenote: If you haven’t read the “About this blog and I” section of this blog yet, please do so. You’ll learn so much more about me there.

Now back to business. Confession: I like to read empirical research articles sometimes (nerd moment so stick with me). The reason I am telling you this is because there is actually a body of research out there that supports the notion that unforgiveness has a negative effect on your physical health. I will spare you the scientific jargon, and tell you that according to research, thinking about your offender in unforgiving ways can affect you not only emotionally, but physically as well.

There are negative health implications that come with holding on to a grudge. According to the Mayo Clinic, unforgiveness can lead to unhealthy future relationships, lack of enjoyment in life, depression, anxiety, and disconnection from other people. Tension and anxiety can affect your muscles, nervous system, etc. Wow.  Just knowing this makes me want to force myself to forgive anyway, but the first step has to be made to get there.

After having great conversations with some folks, doing some self reflection on how I have dealt with letting go, and also doing some research, I’ve compiled some of the best ideas and advice out of those resources to give to you.

Focus, Give, Take, Write, Think….

  1. Focus on helping others and stop thinking about yourself. I remember a time when I felt so broken down, that I didn’t know what else to do to get out of my emotional rut. I felt that God was telling me to stop being selfish (basically stop thinking about yourself, and how you just got hurt by a guy who wasn’t good for you anyway), and focus on helping others. I remember that I was leaving the ChickfilA drive thru when it came to me. I went home and I looked up volunteer opportunities and found a non profit where I could help underprivileged women dress professionally for the workforce and help facilitate workshops on skills needed to work (ex. creative thinking, dealing with rejection, etc.). I started volunteering and before I knew it, my focus was on how I could help instead of how much I was hurt. Once the hurt was gone, it was gone. I was too busy trying to help  less fortunate women become fabulous and successful to worry about that “stuff” that I went through.

2) Give yourself positive affirmations every day! Don’t wait for the person that hurt you to say “I’m sorry” because that day may never come. The first few days it might be hard to speak good things about yourself to yourself (did that make sense?…lol), but day after day, you will start to believe what you are saying. Don’t count on other people to tell you how awesome you are. You have to know it for yourself! Tell yourself “I am beautiful”  “I am unique”  “There’s no one on this earth that can be me”  “I am talented”  “I have ________ to contribute to the world”.  And the list goes on. When you start to feel good about yourself, the offensive things that happened won’t matter much anymore.

3) Take on a new perspective. Realize that the person may be “dumping” their hurt on you. Remember the “Law of the Garbage Truck”? If not, please refer to my previous post called “Power and a Garbage Truck, Eh? Read On..”. Try your best to look at the situation from the perspective that the person that hurt you may be hurt themselves. Maybe they did not have support systems or role models to teach them how to treat people. Or maybe this situation is a teaching moment for you to be a stronger person. In that case, they did not break you, so thank them for helping elevate you to a higher level.

4) Write it down. Ok, this one isn’t for the weak at heart, but I will say it anyway. Write a letter to the person that offended you. You don’t have to give it to them, but writing down your feelings can help you start to release the hurt. In the letter, make sure to let them know that you forgive them. Now if you want, you can give the letter to the person, BUT don’t expect them to respond. If they do, great! But if they don’t, or if they don’t respond the way you want them to (i.e. an apology) then you have to rest in the assurance of knowing that you were able to express how you felt without relying on the other person’s response to make you feel better.

5) If the person offended or hurt you long ago, think about the fact that you have survived! You’re still here on earth, and hopefully you’re looking and feeling fabulous. That means that whatever that person did to you was so small, that it dissipated into the air and your life continued on…

And remember all of this is up to you! YOU have to make a conscious decision to forgive and heal. If you choose to dwell on the offense, you will stay down. You can’t change the past, but you can choose how you will move forward. Think about your physical health and the positive relationships you might be missing out on because you are disconnected. Forgiveness is totally worth it…

Love and blessings,

Candace Sierra-Louise

P.S. If you find that you have offended someone, don’t hesitate to apologize and ask for forgiveness. We can’t expect other people to do things that we aren’t willing to do ourselves. Read Matthew 5:24…

P.S.S  Some of us need to forgive ourselves for something, and we are holding on to that unforgiveness. We’ll have to talk about that in more detail in a later post…

Resources

http://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/adult-health/in-depth/forgiveness/art-20047692

http://digitalcommons.hope.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2300&context=faculty_publications

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