A part of me died, so I don’t do this anymore…

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Hey no judgement, but do you still go to the club? If so, how old are you? Okay, I do realize that starting the question off with “hey, no judgement”  and “how old are you?” implies that you probably are being judged, but I assure you that I’m not judging. It’s a genuine question that came from a recent conversation that I had. I won’t go into the conversation, but I will say that I began to think about what made me stop going to the club at a certain age. I realized that there was one glaring thing that kept me in that ol’ club. If you know me personally, and you never thought I was the “clubbin’” type, well… I implore you to read on for the bigger picture of all this.

Anyway, I digress. I’m writing this because I want to normalize a life that people might call lame and simply share MY journey. Or even touch on subjects that people might not talk about but certainly think about.

Let’s start with a typical night, going out with the “crew”. I would spend AT LEAST an hour trying to figure out what to wear, and usually it would be one of the tightest, shortest dresses that I could find, paired with some 5” heels, and a good amount of makeup. I was good to go. The goal? To see how many guys would offer to buy us drinks, or ask for my number. And I was never the girl that scowled at a guy when he hit on me in the club. I was definitely the overly nice one that would talk even if I wasn’t interested. So, that glaring thing that kept me going to the club?

VALIDATION

I was seeking validation from people, mainly men, to tell me that I was beautiful. And the only way to get them to think that I was beautiful was to wear a short dress that barely hid my panties (I wasn’t blessed with an ample bosom, so I played up my best assets, but letting your boobs hang out is equivalent to your butt cheeks hanging out), and basically present myself as interested even if I wasn’t. Listen, I’m not writing this to shun club-goers, but I have started to become fascinated with people that are over a certain age that continue to live that life EVERY weekend. Some of you might be thinking, “Oh you’re engaged and all settled down now, so that’s why you don’t go to the club.” Nope, you’re wrong. I stopped before I got engaged. I stopped before I met my fiance. I stopped needing validation from people. I stopped wanting validation from men’s comments and women’s envious stares.

That stuff didn’t stimulate me anymore, and thus the club died in my soul.

Seriously, I have to be honest with myself. If I was going purely to dance with my girls and have a good time listening to music, then why the short dresses, belly baring tops, and the plethora of makeup?

Nowadays, I want to speak life into other women, I don’t want envy or jealousy to be anywhere in my presence. I want to respect my body and watch how I carry myself, so that in turn, I will be respected by others. And guess what? I STILL love to go out and have a good time. You might not see me in the club until 2am, but you might just see me out dancing with a good group of people, or maybe just my fiance. You might just see me throwing dinner parties for my girls, or having game nights. And I’m just fine with that. Actually, I’m more than fine with that. I love it. At one point in my life, I thought that people might think I was lame. Silly me, because people thinking that I’m lame is the last thing on my mind now. There was a point in my life when I literally got tired of caring so much about what other people thought of me. Not that I don’t care at all, but the constant need for validation and attention can be exhausting. People will usually let you down at some point anyway, so it’s better not to rely on them to make you feel good about yourself.

“Even with family and friends all around you, you will find yourself alone and dismayed. Because with their best intentions, they’re only human…” – Fred Hammond “I Will Trust”

So I just briefly talked about my personal journey, which honestly was much bigger than the club, but the club became a microcosm of the inner workings of my mind.

If you’re like me and “don’t do clubs”, when did you stop? What made you stop going? What other pastimes do you have that make your life fulfilling? And if you still go to the club, you hopefully didn’t take offense but rather, you saw the bigger picture. I had a bigger issue than just the club. I was seeking something from certain people that, at that time in my life, I only thought I could find at the club. And remember this is MY journey. Your life may be different. Life became so good when I began seeking validation from myself and my Father, and now I will proudly tell you if you ask… I don’t do clubs…

Love always,

Candace Sierra-Louise

5 thoughts on “A part of me died, so I don’t do this anymore…

    • siloutaylor says:

      Thanks Carla! I love to sharing my journey if it means it will touch someone else. I hope that all the readers realize that this was about an internal void that I tried to fill more than just the physical act of going to the club. Feel free to talk to me offline anytime! 😊

      Like

  1. Tiera says:

    This is old but I really liked it. I was recently speaking with a friend about celebrating her birthday. She hates the club, so prefers a lounge. I’ve never been to a lounge, but haven’t been to a club in about 2 years. I thought it was because my besties had moved away or settled down…but now I’m thinking… OMG! Maybe I don’t do clubs anymore! It just sort of happened though. Even when I had a chance to get with my girls we didn’t go out or it didn’t work out to go out. I would still love to dance and listen to Beyonce but it dosent have to be at a club. I don’t want to dance with anyone except my babe and I’m definitely the one to shut a guy down for trying. So…maybe I can look into this “lounge” thingy.

    Like

    • silou says:

      Thanks for your comment Tiera! Yes, it sounds like you had that life changing moment as well. Every woman is different, but if you find that the club scene isn’t your thing anymore, “lounges” are cool, and staying home is cool tooo!

      Like

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